Yes, I have a testiomony

Today I was asked to represent Jesus in Young Women's by bearing my testimony. When I got the assignment, I cried for three days. How does one such as I, or anyone for that matter represent the Lord. Each leader took part of the nativity and told what they felt and saw when the Savior was born. Each leader did an incredible job, and the room was filled with the spirit. I was in tears again when it became ,y turn. I told the girls that this was a very difficult assignment for me, but that when I prayed I figured that a prophet would know more of what it felt like to be the Savior, and what His purpose was on earth.
I read most of my talk, and this is what i said:

"I am the light of the world;he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."

"Early in his childhood, Spencer W. Kimball suffered the pain that comes with the death of loved ones. When he was eight years old, his sister Mary died shortly after her birth. A month later, Spencer’s parents sensed that five-year-old Fannie, who had been suffering for several weeks, would soon pass away. Spencer later told of the day Fannie died: “On my ninth birthday Fannie died in Mother’s arms. All of us children were awakened in the early night to be present. I seem to remember the scene in our living room … , my beloved mother weeping with her little dying five-year-old child in her arms and all of us crowding around.”1

Even more difficult for young Spencer was the news he received two years later, when he and his brothers and sisters were called home from school one morning. They ran home and were met by their bishop, who gathered them around him and told them that their mother had died the day before. President Kimball later recalled: “It came as a thunderbolt. I ran from the house out in the backyard to be alone in my deluge of tears. Out of sight and sound, away from everybody, I sobbed and sobbed. Each time I said the word ‘Ma’ fresh floods of tears gushed forth until I was drained dry. Ma—dead! But she couldn’t be! Life couldn’t go on for us. … My eleven-year-old heart seemed to burst.”

Fifty years later, Elder Spencer W. Kimball, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, found himself far away from home, recovering from major surgery. Unable to sleep, he recalled the day his mother died: “I feel like sobbing again now … as my memory takes me over those sad paths.”

Facing the deep sadness of such experiences, Spencer W. Kimball always found comfort in prayer and in the principles of the gospel. Even in his childhood, he knew where to turn to receive peace. A family friend wrote of young Spencer’s prayers—“how the loss of his mother weighed so heavily upon his little heart and yet how bravely he battled with his grief and sought comfort from the only source.”

In his ministry, President Kimball frequently offered words of solace to those who mourned the loss of loved ones. He testified of eternal principles, assuring the Saints that death is not the end of existence. Speaking at a funeral, he once said:

“We are limited in our visions. With our eyes we can see but a few miles. With our ears we can hear but a few years. We are encased, enclosed, as it were, in a room, but when our light goes out of this life, then we see beyond mortal limitations. …

“The walls go down, time ends and distance fades and vanishes as we go into eternity … and we immediately emerge into a great world in which there are no earthly limitations.”

The daily newspaper screamed the headlines: “Plane Crash Kills 43. No Survivors of Mountain Tragedy,” and thousands of voices joined in a chorus: “Why did the Lord let this terrible thing happen?”

Two automobiles crashed when one went through a red light, and six people were killed. Why would God not prevent this?

Why should the young mother die of cancer and leave her eight children motherless? Why did not the Lord heal her?

A little child was drowned; another was run over. Why?

A man died one day suddenly of a coronary occlusion as he climbed a stairway. His body was found slumped on the floor. His wife cried out in agony, “Why? Why would the Lord do this to me? Could he not have considered my three little children who still need a father?”

A young man died in the mission field and people critically questioned: “Why did not the Lord protect this youth while he was doing proselyting work?”

I wish I could answer these questions with authority, but I cannot. I am sure that sometime we’ll understand and be reconciled. But for the present we must seek understanding as best we can in the gospel principles.

Was it the Lord who directed the plane into the mountain to snuff out the lives of its occupants, or were there mechanical faults or human errors?

Did our Father in heaven cause the collision of the cars that took six people into eternity, or was it the error of the driver who ignored safety rules?

Did God take the life of the young mother or prompt the child to toddle into the canal or guide the other child into the path of the oncoming car?

Did the Lord cause the man to suffer a heart attack? Was the death of the missionary untimely? Answer, if you can. I cannot, for though I know God has a major role in our lives, I do not know how much he causes to happen and how much he merely permits. Whatever the answer to this question, there is another I feel sure about.

Could the Lord have prevented these tragedies? The answer is, Yes. The Lord is omnipotent, with all power to control our lives, save us pain, prevent all accidents, drive all planes and cars, feed us, protect us, save us from labor, effort, sickness, even from death, if he will. But he will not.

We should be able to understand this, because we can realize how unwise it would be for us to shield our children from all effort, from disappointments, temptations, sorrows, and suffering.

The basic gospel law is free agency and eternal development. To force us to be careful or righteous would be to nullify that fundamental law and make growth impossible.

If we looked at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure, and short life would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an eternal thing stretching far into the premortal past and on into the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in proper perspective.

Is there not wisdom in his giving us trials that we might rise above them, responsibilities that we might achieve, work to harden our muscles, sorrows to try our souls? Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?

If all the sick for whom we pray were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the Father would be annulled and the basic principle of the gospel, free agency, would be ended. No man would have to live by faith.

If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil—all would do good but not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency, only satanic controls.

Should all prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these were not, there would also be no joy, success, resurrection, nor eternal life and godhood.

“For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things … righteousness … wickedness … holiness … misery … good … bad. …” (2 Nephi 2:11.)

Being human, we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery. …

And Elder James E. Talmage wrote: “No pang that is suffered by man or woman upon the earth will be without its compensating effect … if it be met with patience."

My Testimony

When I was about 17 years old, I had a very traumatic experience that left me crying out to the Heaven’s with one question. That question was,” Is there anyone anywhere who cares about me?” Instantly I felt warmth surrounding me, and I knew that there was a God and He did care about me. I was not active in the church at the time, and quite frankly did not deserve such a manifestation. I had another similar experience a few months later. I was outside our house in the woodshed. It was dark and snowy and I felt very much alone. It was not really a prayer that I offered; I just needed some assurance that I was loved. I again felt warmth surrounding me.

When I gave birth to my first child, I felt that angels were very near, and I also knew at that moment that I needed to change my life. I guess that is when I started searching, and started thinking about the consequences of everything I did and had done in my life. A few years later I was in Idaho Falls with a philanthropic sorority being trained to be president of the local chapter in CDA. Many of the women that I came with were doing terrible things that weekend. I left the bar early and went to my room where I could be alone. I left the lights off and I knelt and prayed for the first time I could ever remember. I prayed about my life and marriage and how hopeless I felt. Upon finishing my prayer, I opened the drapes and in the darkness I saw the Idaho Falls Temple framed by my window. Again, I felt the warmth I had felt a few times earlier in my life and somehow I knew everything would be okay.

It was not too long after that experience, and many others that my visiting teachers knocked on my door. I was attending the Presbyterian Church at the time and going to a couple of Bible studies, and although I had been brainwashed against the church for years by my inactive family, I knew I should let them in. They came faithfully for several months and one day they sent the missionaries. The missionaries asked me if I knew anyone who would like to take the discussions, and I asked them if it would be possible for me to take them. It was not long, and after many, many questions on my part that I started to feel the spirit on a regular basis and decided to attend church. The first Sacrament meeting was so sweet and spiritual and so was my first experience with Relief Society. I could not deny the feelings I was having and so I continued to attend, even though both of my neighbors and all of my friends counseled me to quit attending the Mormon Church.

The warmth and spiritual feelings and the answered prayers continued and have to this day. I know the Church of Jesus Christ is true. I know, through prayer and the witness of the spirit that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ as he knelt in prayer in the sacred grove seeking knowledge as to which church to join. I knew the first time I read the Book of Mormon that it was true, because again, I felt the warmth of the spirit bearing witness to me of its truthfulness.

All my adult life I have followed that sweet feeling. I have heard promptings that have helped me raise my children, save my marriage and guide me in all of my callings. I love the Church. Just tonight I went to a Crèche sponsored by the church and opened to the public. It was so beautifully done. Every time I pray or attend a meeting I am taught by the Holy Ghost. My life would be a total waste had I not listened and prayed when the missionaries came to my door. I cannot imagine how empty it would be without the Holy Spirit to be my guide. I cannot even express how dependent I am on my Savior, Jesus Christ, especially now as I fight cancer. It is very early in the morning and I could not sleep, so I came into my office to pray and to plead with Heavenly Father through His Son to help me get through one more day. And I know, because He has never let me down, that He will sustain me again. He will lift me and make me a better person for having gone through this experience. I know I will live with Him and his Son again, along with my family for all eternity. He will teach me all that I need to know as He always has. This is my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Edith Kaye Tomblin