Home at Last!

I got home about midnight last night. The last week in Tulsa was extremely difficult to get through. I got to the point that I could not even go near the caffeteria as the smell made me so sick. I had Gary take me out to eat every day, just so I could eat something. The final TOMO treatments to the brain were also very taxing...and the only way I made it through them was to pray and count my blessings the entire time. Will I go back in three months? Not sure if I can.

We were fortunate to be able to have a three day layover in SLC, so I got to see April, Chay and Mckenzie. We stayed in a hotel close to the home they bought. They cannot live there yet, and are staying with Chay's sister. They are refinishing the old hardwood floors, and living out of boxes...so it was best to help where we could and visit when they had time. Gary helped Chay with staining the floors. Hopefully, by the end of this week they will be able to move in.

While I was gone, the Relief Society came in and deep cleaned my entire house. It looked so beautiful when I got home last night, I just cried!!! It was so wonderful of them to get to the high areas of my home that have been neglected for the past several years, and to have everything shine!!!

I start my second round of Chemo this Thursday here. I am a little worried about my heart, as in the past couple of days I have had edema really bad. I see my ONC here tomorrow, and I guess she will see how I am fairing and if I can do the rest of the Chemo regiment. I am not looking forward to it, that is for sure.

On the bright side...it was a beautiful day today...I went out to my garden and sat for awhile and just took in the sunshine. My children all came to see me tonight...it was nice to be with them all again. It is really good to be home. Really good!

Tears of Pure Joy

Last Thursday night I had another round of chemo, so on Friday I was pretty sick, tired, emotional...all that goes with it. I can hardly stand t0 go into the cafeteria here any more..just cannot stand the smell, but because I had basically been in my room all day, i went down to dinner with Gary. We were at the back of the dining room and had finished eating, when out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a young man way up at the front desk of the lobby that resembled Bryon. I immediately started to cry, and told Gary that I had seen someone who looked so much like Bryon that it made me so homesick. I just sat there and wept and wanted to leave that very minute and come home.

We stayed in the cafeteria for a few minutes longer, and then headed to the lobby. Just as we were about to round the corner to the elevator, my two, wonderful sons walked around the corner. The first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh my gosh....it WAS Bryon that I saw." I ran into their arms and cried and laughed and hugged and then did it all over again!!! The lobby was filled with people that witnessed the scene, and many of them were in tears also. MY BOYS!!!
MY BOYS!!! They had flown all the way here to spend the weekend with me and to surprise me and to give me the courage to keep going!!! What devotion! What love! What a sacrifice! In all my life I do not think I have had anything done for me that has touched me more or meant more to me than them coming!!! I liken it to greeting our loved ones beyond the veil.

We had a great weekend! We took the boys out for dinner and got them their room...poor Keith had a terrible headache that made him sick. Bryon brought us back to the clinic, and before he left I was hugging him and expressing my concern at how much this had cost him to come. He held me tenderly in his arms and said, "Mom....money is just temporal...families are forever. You mean more to us than any money does."

On Saturday, with their rental car, we were able to escape the hospital here and go to Oklahoma City. We saw the capitol building, the Federal Memorial Bombing sight, and we ate at one of the top ten best things to do in Oklahoma...the Cattleman's Steakhouse. It was the best steak I have ever eaten, and though I am not eating very well...I ate the entire thing. We drove back to Tulsa, took a nap, and then went out for a treat.

Sunday morning, my heart took a picture as Gary and I were sitting in the lobby waiting for the boys to come for breakfast. I watched them walk from their car to the lobby, in the brilliant sunlight, dressed in white shirts and ties, ready to go to church with me. Pure JOY!!! We went to church, and because the cafeteria was closed when we got out, we did take them to dinner. They came up to our room for awhile, and then it was time for them to fly out. Gary went down with them to see them off...but I sat on the bed and watched them out the window until they drove off, all the time thanking my Father in Heaven for all of the blessings He has bestowed upon me...my family being the greatest.

Yesterday in church the lesson was on the miracle of the loaves and the fishes, and how we go to the Lord with such a little bit of nothing and offer it to him, and he takes what little we have and blesses us and the masses around us. That is what the Lord has done for me. I, alone am so nothing, and yet with His presence in my life I have been able to raise an incredible loving family who have, in turn, reached out to bless so many, especially me. When we do our best to turn our lives over to God, He will make so much more of it then we could ever have hoped for. Thank you, God, for two sons, (and their supportive, wonderful wives) who thought enough of their mother to come this weekend. I will never forget this, or be able to talk about it without crying...crying tears of pure joy.

A New Day!!!

Hi to all those I love out there!!! This has been a better week. it started out a little rough as I was sick again, but we decided it was o couple of the meds I was on, and I am doing much better. I also was bummed because I thought I had to stay here another week, but I don't, so It means we can start heading home between the 18th and 20th!!! Hurray! IfI am up to it after this weeks treatments, we are flying into SLC and taking a two or three day layover to go see April and her home she just moved into.

My brother, Billy, got here Tuesday afternoon, and he is leaving tomorrow to go back to Tennessee. It has been so wonderful to see him and spend time with Sharlene and him. Today we are going to the Will Rogers Museum and out to lunch. I do another round of Chemo tonight and am starting my heavy-duty brain treatments this afternoon, so I might be out of commission here for a few more days...so he picked the perfect time to come, and he has been great medicine for my soul!!!

Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails!!! It is so special to me to know I am loved and being prayed for by so many. I cannot possibly answer all of you, but please know that I am eternally grateful to each of you!!!

This is truely a wonderful place, and I have met some beautiful people here. God, in His wisdom teaches me each day about how to love by the example of sooo many. I can't wait to be home to see my friends and family and to teach my laurel class!!! Oh, how I miss my girls!!
Love to you all!!!

Homesick

I just called Keith's house and talked to Ashlee. She was so sweet and said she missed me so much, that now I am just a bag of tears. Being away from home is so hard when you are this sick. I am so thankful Sherry is here, but even that is hard, as I feel I am putting her out. It is hard to be so dependent on people when you have always been so independent.

Also some days are filled with hope and others are , well just days of endurance, waiting for the next shoe to fall, I guess. I hope it is okay to get sad once in awhile...like when I haven't heard from a special friend for a few days, or when I get tired of seeing sooooo many afflicted with this disease, or just when the pain gets to me and I am tired. And this is a tired like none other. It goes to the very bone,

I finally felt well enough to have my second round of chemo yesterday and I've had two rounds of radiation this week. The Doc's have me on a nutrition pack that I carry around with me all day long, and I am sure it is helping me not be so sick.I also got to get out of this prison for awhile this morning and buy some new duds. I honestly do not know how to buy clothes for myself anymore, as I have lost so much weight, I am not sure what to wear. I can't help thinking I shouldn't spend very much...so it is hard.

Sorry, tonight is a downer night. I am tired, and I just want to give up the fight right now. I need to tuck myself into bed with a good prayer and things will look brighter tomorrow. Good night.

Sunday Morning

It is very early Sunday morning...found myself unable to sleep...but I can always snooze later. Yesterday was such a better day...starting with conference...which was so amazing and touched my heart so deeply. I also felt well enough to leave the clinic and go out to play Easter Bunny for my grandkids. And the blessings keep coming in. My friend, Sherry, who has been my right hand and left foot all week, holding my head and getting me every little thing I have needed, was in the hall way and had a conversation with a woman who was headed home, cancer free, for two years running after coming here with breast cancer that had spread to in lungs and bones.

While I was a t Wal-Mart yesterday, hobbling around in my walker (and then driving a scooter), a very kind woman stopped and asked me is I had had surgery. I explained my cancer briefly to her and she told me that she had had pancreatic cancer and had been cancer free for two years. These things give me hope. I know my Father in Heaven is with me continually. I am looking forward to more of conference today. Thanks, Stan, for the lap-top!!!

What I am so impressed with this place is that when I got sick from treatment, they did everythong possible to make me feel better and get to the root of it. I have been on an IV pump for three days now getting my body fluids and vitamins back into correct funtion. They have literally thought of everything here...it is an amazing place.