The power of the Atonement

Below are my two granddaughters. The pictures were taken the Sunday Julia Kaye was blessed and given a name. I came home today after being away eleven days. It was hard to leave these two precious girls.I cried and Mckenzie cried.

I did quite a bit of reflecting while I was staying with April. For one, I am so thankful that she is in a large family with lots of active members of the church that live close by. I was able to spend a little while with my niece and my sister, and I am thankful that they are close by for her. You start to think in terms of "how will my children do after I am gone", and you look for all the positive signs you can find close to them. It isn't important to me if they succeed financially, only that they have what they need. If they stay close to the Lord and His Church, they will have success in ways they can not even comprehend now.

I had a wonderful break, but I must admit, I am already struggling with just being home again and dealing with everyday life and everyday cancer. The Docs say I am doing just great, and I feel like, .........! I ask myself every day how am I ever going to do this. Today I read a beautiful quote on LDS Gems. It said,

"The Atonement of Jesus Christ and the healing it offers do much more than provide the opportunity for repentance from sins. The Atonement also
gives us the strength to endure 'pains and afflictions and temptations
of every kind,' because our Savior also took upon Him 'the pains
and the sicknesses of his people' (Alma 7:11). Brothers and sisters, if
your faith and prayers and the power of the priesthood do not heal you from
an affliction, the power of the Atonement will surely give you the strength
to bear the burden." Dallin H. Oaks

I know I need to pray harder and more sincere to be able to see my way through this, because it is hard....really hard. I feel so alone in the struggle sometimes. Today on the flight home I sat by a woman who was a member of the church...flying out to see her children in Seattle.We became instant friends and she has had her share of hard times...and it felt good to share with her my cancer story and how hard it is and how frightened I am of the coming pain. Not of death, I have had enough spiritual experiences in my life to know that God is real and that their is a heaven where there is no longer pain and suffering... but I shared with her the question of will I be able to endure the never ending pain? I shared with her that I will only make it if God will hold my hand. In sharing these thoughts with this stranger/sister, I felt her love and compassion pass over me with it's own kind of peace. I honestly felt she understood what I feel, and that has been hard to express to those closest to me. Tomorrow is another day...and I will do my best to lean on the Savior and the blessed people he has and will contineu to place in my path.

Who's On the Lord's Side, Who?

I am at my daughter's home, hugging my grandbabies. I am safe and warm. Her house is cute, small, and cozy, and though it needs a little work...I love it...it feels secure. It is not on fire somewhere, or under threat of flood or bombs. I am a Cristian and can worship as I please, go to church when I want, say my prayers wherever I want and don't have to be afraid to voice my opinion about the candidates or politics.



Yesterday I received a letter from a SGT stationed in Iraq that touched my soul in the deepest possible way. It was about how prayer had preserved his life so many times, and because of this, He knows we are fighting a war against good and evil, against right and wrong .



As the rhetoric continues and the tempers flare, as the politicians make there stand...my prayer is that you stay informed...especially viewing the Fox news network, listening to Laural Ingraham and Glenn Beck. We have to win this war. Our very religion is at stake unless a peaceful solution can be reached. I know many of you don't like to think about such things, but the Christian way of life is being torn apart in every corner and threatened on every front. Radical Islam has vowed to annihilate the Christian faith. How many, once they have bombed our borders or invaded our cities will be able to say you or your children that theirhomes are safe and warm and grandbabies are safe and warm. Get informed, support our troops, pray for the proper commanders to be placed where they need to be, and pray for my friend, who's partial letter I have enclosed. God bless this soldier...God Bless America.


"One last testament to the belief in God before we leave. An update: We
will be out of this popsicle stand next week. A few odds and ends need tied, but overall we are complete. On Oct 17th, for those who do not know, an insurgent element attempted to take my life with a grenade. It wasn't personal; he would have tried to throw it at any opportunity target in the area. I was not supposed to be there that day. An additional duty was willfully skirted to join my platoon on this final run to a location. Before rolling out the gate the words "Dear God, protect us as we roll out the gate. Send your angels before us to clear the path and if Michael isn't too busy please ask him to join." Nothing grandiose, sweet, short, to the point and the message is not something that needs much explanation because He knows our hearts.
On this day, something in the air smelled different, I took it as a warning to prepare myself. I am not scared of death, it becomes us all eventually. This was the closest kiss I remember having with death. Let me say the breath is in need of some scope or Crest. I believe I was sent that day because I could not handle losing one of my guys. Under the protection of the Lord I withstood the blast of a grenade that was meant to end my life. End result was the insurgent giving me a piece of his hand the hard way. I also found out that I can kill a man without hesitation given the conditions. God helped me find a car bomb that was not meant to be found, timed the insurgents who were to detonate that bomb to be there when we arrived, and put the conditions most secular views would conjure up to luck. So many more factors are involved that I believe there is no other explanation than Divine Intervention. Compassion in the most extreme sense overwhelmed me as I stared at the young looking man who got sold a fantasy by the religious mob. It is not so simple to say you killed him before he killed you. In truth, he held the advantage and it, by scientific law, was meant to extinguish my light. His ideology and radical views failed.
October 30, thirteen days later. Our last mission, same prayer, same warning in the air. Two spots, two explosions, two craters. Our first site excavated a 90 X 20 foot section of road with 620 pounds of explosives. At our second site, 30 meters from where SGT Bevington was killed our search element found a gauntlet of IED's. While setting up the means to eradicate these deadly devices, one went off. Again too many factors that rule out secular or scientific reasoning. My platoon leader was three feet from a 120mm size artillery round along with two Marine explosive ordnance disposal members. 10 minutes before eight vehicles drove over the device. 30 seconds before it detonated I was on the ground walking over it. (Yes there is detail to the scene but really is not the point this time) The vehicle that set it off simply had the windshield cracked and half of the hood blown off, the tire was not affected. I have a chunk of the round that had the potential to kill eight people on this day and simply injured one to the point he had to be medevaced to another camp for picking out the shrapnel from his face and sewing him up. Praise God he will return to duty only a little banged up. This is not a means to win compassion for the choice I made to serve in whatever capacity I am asked. This is simply two events that happened within my platoon that (by all scientific measure) should have left us with 9 less people on this earth. This is a testament to the very fact that this conflict is not about bombs, weapons of mass destruction, or other means used to kill people. This conflict is about the very principles and beliefs necessary to perform such vicious acts and that it is in the power of prayer/belief in God that will change the conditions. I am not a religious leader, nor did these events give me a greater calling to eat better, exercise more, love more, or be something I am not. These events are being mentioned from one believer to those who will listen - the power of prayer is exponentially greater when more understand what to pray for. I have always said - Do not pray that I don't go, pray that I come back. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HERE! I am a witness to a power that supersedes the destruction of man-made objects. It is my responsibility to share this with you and to urge you to believe that your prayers to end this conflict are not enough. The darkness that can be felt here is strong and no weapon in the coalition arsenal will satisfy the end like prayer. This is a massive spiritual battle to which the foxholes are dug in deep and the defenses are tough. Walking, talking, living proof that those defenses are no match for God."


Kerry Gerber
SFC Combat Engineer, USA

Lost addresses-Lost brain

I totally erased my entire address book this morning by accident. Could you do me a favor and send me your email addresses? Send them to edithkaye@gmail.com Thanks!!

Record of Blessings

I felt the presence of Heavenly Father in my life today...

Sunday, October 07, 2007.

Today was conference and one of the talks was about a woman who had cancer and was dying. Her son asked her a week or so before she died if there was anything she wished she could have or have done. She answered that she wished she could have been of more service. I felt the spirit so strong, as I have wished this since I found out my cancer was back. I feel as though there is so much I have not done to help my fellow man. My health has not been good for years and there is so little I can do, that it just breaks my heart. I just wish I felt better, I would try to do so much more. I do know that the talk was for me, and mirrored my own thoughts.

Monday, October 08, 2007

I worked on my life history today, and that felt good to be doing something that I know I need to do. I felt pretty good all day, but by tonight I was not doing too well. I asked Bob Stroh if he could come and give me a blessing. The blessing was short and sweet, but it did say that I was going to recover from all of this, and to make my family a priority. And I felt my Heavenly Father’s love for me. I know He is with me, watching over my treatments and directing my path.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Yesterday I went to the temple. It was a beautiful day outside, almost got up to 80 degrees. I went with Joell W. to do initiatory work for Gary’s ancestors. I did Stella, grandma’s cousin, and I also did Marguerite, Gary’s mom, and Clarence Ayer’s wives. It was one of the sweetest experiences. I started to cry at the pronouncement of the first blessing. I explained to the sister workers that I was doing family names and that I also had terminal cancer and that was why I was so emotional. They were all so very sweet to me. I hope someday I will feel well enough to work in the temple.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

After waking up about 6:00 AM, I felt pretty punk, so I went back to bed. I could have stayed there all day, so I cried and prayed and went back to sleep. When I woke up a couple of hours later, I just decided that if I was going to have a good day it would be up to me to make it one. I worked on pumpkins that I designed for a table topper for autumn, and then I stained the first coat of stain on two of the six chairs I got at a garage sale a couple of years ago. They match my dining room table and will be really nice for the holidays. I am thankful for prayer and the push Heavenly Father gave me today. I know God answers prayers. Keith stopped by to work on a computer, and it was so nice to spend time with him. I love my kids so much, and they are so good to dad and me.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Somebody…I don’t remember who right now, at General Conference told of how they wrote down how God had touched their lives every day. I have tried to write my feelings down this week. I have missed a couple of days, and things for sure, for I know He is always near and blesses me minute by minute. Yesterday was chemo day. My blood counts were all back up and doing good and I felt so much better…so I had chemo. A wonderful new friend of mine took me out to lunch. I am actually her visiting teacher, but she has taken such wonderful care of me it should be the other way around. We had a wonderful time. She is an artist, and I am hoping that after the first of the year we can paint together. When we got home…wonderful surprise…Bryon and Lorena were here and we went out for Fish at Pryor’s. If you have not had fish at this little hole in the road in Otis Orchard…you have not lived. It is so good.

Before they left to go home, Lorena asked me to have her come over like once a week to help me for a few hours. I think I will take her up on that…especially the weeks after chemo or when I feel rotten. Again, Heavenly Father has blessed me…I have such wonderful daughter-in-laws and a terrific son-in-law. It seems that in this world so many families struggle to even get along. It is the gospel of Jesus Christ that has made all the difference for our family. We are just trying to live the commandments, and though we are not perfect, each person tries to live their lives like the Savior would live His, and it helps all the relationships be so much sweeter. Today we are headed out for Taylor’s football game. I understand he is a great tight end (?), and made a 40 yard touchdown. He also plays defensive lineman and makes phenomenal tackles…especially since he is playing against boys over a year older than he is. It will be a fun day, and I will feel good seeing as how I am on the steroid override right now from chemo.

Okay, so this is my week of blessings…anyway the ones I remembered and wrote down.

Count your blessings…name them one by one. Count your many blessings…see what God has done.

PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY APEY SNAPEY!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Birthdays, Families and Fall

I had a great birthday...and here are a few pictures for the rest of the family that could not be there. We enjoyed having AJ and Lorena back with us. Of course, AJ loves her daddy, but she also really likes Uncle Keith, too.

I didn't have chemo yesterday...too sick....but after a long time on my knees, I am feeling much better today. I thought this might mess up my trip to see April, but doc said it was fine to just do two sessions this month. Last night when I started feeling better, I decorated for fall. It is really chilly here, and It felt good to get out the fall decorations, and start to think about Christmas and what I would like to finish. I love the crispness in the air, and the beautiful fall colors. I think we should all hat a hot apple cider today!!! I am so thankful to see another fall, and so thankful that when I just don't think I can go on a minute more, I have a miracle, and I regain some strength. Have a wonderful day!!! Come on over this weekend and have cider and donuts!!!

Celebrate Good Times...Come On!

Celebrate good times...come on!!!

Friday night , 3 of us were supposed to go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday, but somehow it turned into a dinner party at a dear friends home with so many of my sweet friends surrounding me and wishing me well. Thank you, Ling. Your goodness is immeasurable. Thank you, Lisa for providing your beautiful home..and I am not sure who did all the cooking, but seeing as how I hate to eat anything I cook, it was so wonderful to actually feel full!!! I don't know how to tell you all how much you mean to me, and how thankful I am that we are true sisters.

The next day I met up with Sherry and Sandy and had a wonderful day. One thing that makes them so wonderful is that I can cry around them, and share my fears and hopes and I don't feel judged. I can share with them my most intimate thoughts about living or dying and , even though they don't really understand, they give me their time and ear and love. We had a birthday lunch for me at Sandi's and it was wonderful...man, especially the Amish rolls. Sherry bought me some good smelling stuff to spray all over myself...I always feel like I stink.
(Maybe I do...hint, hint)

It was very hard coming home Saturday night on my birthday to an empty house. I felt sorry for myself for a short time, but realized Gary was out with his best friend cutting wood, and having his own break from cancer. I understand how difficult it must be for him and would love to find a way to escape all of this myself and go back to a time when cancer wasn't mentioned every day in our home.

Sunday I went to Keith's house for dinner. Calie had made a wonderful meal....with Keith as the BBQ king. Lorena and Ansley are home from Mexico and it was so wonderful to see them. She is walking everywhere. I will add a couple of pictures soon. I missed that Gary and my girls were not there...but we did have fun. The grandkids asked me questions about my life from a book we'd picked up at a garage sale...and ...well some of them were not easy to answer. We laughed and just enjoyed each other.

Joette got home from April's late last night, and April had made me a beautiful scrapbook of her two children that I will forever cherish. I know it was such a sacrifice for her to take that time, as Mckenzie is having a difficult time adjusting and Julia is colic.

I was humbling to be remembered by so many. Today I still have the blinds drawn and my PJ's on...trying to get up the courage to face life again. I have really felt sick for about 5 days again now. I share this because even though I have so much to live for...I am not so sure I can do it much longer...no, I am not sure I want to do this much longer. I need to spend an hour or two in prayer and find strength to celebrate life again. I saved this draft and it took me 2 hours to figure out how to get it published...I had to call my daughter in tears and ask her what in the heck I was doing wrong. I hate being this disabled...I really do not think straight any more, and am finding everything so difficult to do. I need your prayers today...mine are not working so well.