Nauseating

I never imagined a person could get this sick and still be alive. Radiation to the brain is horrible to say the least, and I have thrown up so hard and so long I have to keep checking to see if I still have my toenails or not. Ooops...gotta go..

Walk With Christ

Gary left today at 1:00 p.m. and I had an appointment with physical therapy at 3:00 p.m. to be fitted for a cane. After testing my strength, the therapist concluded that I would be best served by a walker. Before that even sunk in, he handed me one and had me walk down the hall with it. Part way down the hall we stopped where another woman with advanced cancer was sitting and he asked if we could use her walker which was the “Cadillac” of walkers with a seat and brakes. I tried her walker and it worked a lot better and was really nice. As I was returning it to her, suddenly I was overwhelmed with the realization that a walker might be a permanent fixture for the rest of my life, and I lost it. My emotions just welled up inside of me. I couldn’t even hear the conversations around me. All I wanted was my room where I could really let down and cry. I felt alone, abandoned, and forsaken by God . . . all of these emotions rushing up inside of me.
Back in my room, just as I had explained it all to a friend via email and had pushed the send button, the phone rang.

It was the concierge telling me that I had a guest in the lobby. He went on to explain that she said she had met me on Sunday at church and just wanted to stop by and see if I needed anything. I told him I would be right down to meet her; but inside I was a little upset that a stranger had interrupted my cry. I took my time wiping my eyes and blowing my nose and making my way downstairs. When I got to the lobby, the first thing I noticed was that she was holding a book titled “Walk with Christ”. And then she proceeded to stumble through the explanation of why she had come to see me. She told me that she was also a visitor to Tulsa, having come from Colorado to visit family; and had heard my testimony on the previous day and decided that I needed to read this book. The book is a 14 day, pre-Easter program to help the reader draw closer to Christ. Standing there listening to this complete stranger, knowing that she was out of her comfort zone yet offering help to me in any way she could, touched me so deeply, i started to cry again for another, sweeter reason. She went on to say that she had felt prompted to come to me, that she had never done this kind of thing but was wanting to follow the spirit. We wound up talking to each other as though we were life long friends; with so much in common. The entire experience reminded me that Heavenly Father is always so aware of us . . . even when we feel alone. And even though this cancer journey smothers me with difficulty at times, I know that my Savior is walking with me and that He does and will and is sending angels to hold me up.

Thank you for your support

First, I must thank my family for their support. It is so good to hear from them on this blog. I love you, Billy. I heard from Linda that you have had your own struggles this year. I will try to call you soon. Thank you so much for your words of love and support, they meant more to me than you can ever know. And thanks to all of you for your comments and emails.

Gary is leaving Tulsa today. He has done well to last here this long. We have much to get caught up on at home. My friend from Moses Lake, Sherry, is coming to spend the next 10 days or so with me. I will be receiving Chemo and radiation, and they tell me I will be pretty sick, so I have to have someone here with me at all times. I have cancer pretty much everywhere. It is in my brain in 3 spots, my lungs and many of my bones. I do not have it in any other organs. Today I am being fitted for a cane, as radiation will weaken my hip and femur area to the point it could be broken easily.

We found a ward here and have attended the past two Sundays. The people are so nice, and many of them have approached us asking about family and friends in the Spokane area. Yesterday, I was given a sweet blessing by the bishopric to help me with get through the radiation this week. We were also give names of priesthood we can call for anything we might need. The church is incredible, and just as true in Tulsa as anywhere in the world.

April moved this past weekend. Joette is with her, helping out. I talked to both the boys last night. I am blessed to have a very supportive and wonderful family. I also apologize for not getting every individal email answered. Please know I love hearing from you, and especially need your prayers at this time. As I feel better, I will write to all of you! God Bless.

Spring is a miracle!

Today I get my port and start the first round of chemo. Could I ask that everyone to please keep me in their prayers? Pray that the chemo will kill the cancer and that I will be able to tolerate it. Thank you so much. Thanks, April for reminding me that we do believe in miracles. I do feel a great amount of peace in my heart this morning. Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails in my behalf! I know such wonderful people and have such devoted friends and family...it is almost surreal to me.

Gary will stay through the weekend, or until I find out how long I will be here for radiation. He needs to get home as he has an appointment with a cardiologist. Some part of his stress test did not look good. Sherry might come and stay for a week or so with me....all depends on how long radiation will last. She has agreed to help if she can, which is so very sweet of her.

Yesterday we met with the naturopaths and got all the supplements I need to take to fight cancer. They were the neatest two guys...they had so much love and light about them. Everyone here seems to be like that. What a remarkable place this is...but sad that so many people are plagued with this disease.

I am going to have another granddaughter!!! Congrats, April! I am soooo excited. Her and Mckenzie will be best friends for sure! That was wonderful news yesterday. It is also warm and sunny here. Life is good! Gather those you love and hold them close. Tell them you love them. Serve them in some small way today. I love you all!

A New Day

It is very early in the morning. I wanted to get this posted for all of you who are waiting the news from yesterday.

Seems my cancer has spread just about everywhere. It is all thorugh my back, hips, left femur, lungs and...sorry to say I even have 3 spots in my brain. None of my other organs are affected as of yet, which is good.

I am set up to get my port for chemo tomorrow and have an appointment with the Rad Onc for Friday. He will determine if I can have radiation to the spots on my brain or not. It is scary, as I do not know how or if this will change my personality.

Gary will stay here until the first chemo session is over and I have started radiation, but then he would like to go home for a week or so before returning, as we have much that needs to be done there...besides the poor guy is bored out of his mind. I am hoping I can talk a friend into coming for a week or so, as I need a caregiver here in order to stay.

The pain management Doc gave me a patch to wear, and it was wonderful for about 12 hours, and then I started throwing up...never felt so sick in my life. I am hoping when I see them today they can find something that works as well as it did without the side affects.

I am strangely at peace with all of this...oh, I did cry some yesterday and probably will again...but I know so many of you are praying for me, and so many of you have sent your love and support, that one way or another I will get through this. I feel Heavenly Father's love through each of you and I am learning so much about the power of love and how it truly does heal the soul. Each of you are teaching me so much every day.. Honestly, it has blown me away. Thank you so much for your love and support. Keep those prayers coming....I can actually feel them sustaining me.

CTCA

I can hear someone playing a piano softly from a room just below me. This place is beginning to feel a little like home. Our room is very small, but new and it is clean. The food is very delicious, organic and it costs Gary and I together, $15.00 a day. Just down the hall from us is a laundry room, with free facilities, and next to our room is a pantry, stalked with drinks and snacks, all free. I am in a quiet room, as it is called, with a nice computer, printer and desk and a couple of chairs, again, all free to use. Each floor has a similar layout.

Yesterday we were chauffeured in a limo to the auto show. We also went to a flea market. We can go anywhere with in reason, and they will take us, no charge. Today we went to church. The drivers tell us that this is a wonderful place to work...very rewarding. The atmosphere is somewhat sad, though...so many dealing with this terrible disease. It enters in the back door of people's lives from all over the country, taking them by surprise. One lady told me today that she was ready to go home to Heavenly Father, but her husband could not part with her yet.

Church was wonderful. The Stake patriarch spoke on the power of blessings and how we need never doubt the messages received therein. It was for me for sure. I needed the boost of faith. The Relief Society president had me tell the sisters what I was doing here, and then she took my name and number down. She said she would do anything for me...just to let her know. It was so sweet and humbling. A couple of sisters said they would pray for me as I was leaving...sisters I don't even know.

Tomorrow I will finish up all my testing, and Tuesday I will know how bad and what, if anything, they can do for me here. I am waiting on the miracle. I have had so many already...I do not want to sound ungrateful. I am blown away at the love expressed in my behalf. Thanks for the emails everyone!!! And your prayers of support and faith. I will report again tomorrow.

For all of you!!!

It is Sunday morning in Tulsa. The past 4 days have flown by. First of all, I have to thank my Father in Heaven for the sisters of the 17th Ward and all of their love and participation in the Birthday dinner Program. I felt showered with charity and I feel so much love for the sisters in our family. When the Laurels wrote and sang me a song, I could not believe the love I felt from my girls!! Thank you. Your support and tender caring is truly sustaining me.

After arriving here shortly past noon on Thursday, I was immediately wisked away into appointments. I have already seen the onc, had a bunch of blood work done, had bone and pet scans taken and tomorrow I am sceduled for 3 different CT scans, an appointment with the naturpath and the pain management team. The facility is very nice and the food is good, cheap, and all organic.

I will have all the results back by Tuesday and will meet with my team of Docs that day. They will then tell me what they can and cannot do for me. At this point, I plan on staying for treatment if it is an option. Gary might stay a day or two longer...but he is getting pretty bored hanging around here. I am concerned at how well I will do, and how weak I will become with treatment, but I think they will take good care of me here.

I love you all. This is probably the easiest for me to do...just send out my blog address and write one letter every day or so. You can either email me or comment on my blog, which goes directly to my email. Thank you for your continued prayers. The Doc's asked what kind of a support system I had in place, and I got pretty emotional thinking about all of your love and prayers in my behalf. I will write more as soon as I know more.

Graditude

Today I am grateful that my oldest son called and said that his family fasted and prayed for me yesterday. I am also thankful that 2 friends dropped by to see me, and one of them brought me dinner...yummy!!! I also got a call from two of my closest friends and each just let me cry and talk. They both wanted to know about the blessing yesterday and what my plan of attack is now. I also got to visit with Joette when she came home from FHE, and that was wonderful. My chiropractor helped my back and hip feel a little better after he worked me over today. And I got a nice call from a friend of mine who has had cancer three times. He is always a voice of hope, and he said such nice things to me today that helped me to know my life has not been wasted.

Life is good, and Heavenly Father is giving me strength through others. I just wanted to thank Him for always being near. He knows who to send and what I need. Oh, I also had my life sketch class here today and started writing about my brother Billy. Such sweet memories I have of him. I miss him so much. He doesn't even know I have cancer. But enough of sorrow...tonight I am thankful to have been surrounded by love for one more day.