Home at Last!

I got home about midnight last night. The last week in Tulsa was extremely difficult to get through. I got to the point that I could not even go near the caffeteria as the smell made me so sick. I had Gary take me out to eat every day, just so I could eat something. The final TOMO treatments to the brain were also very taxing...and the only way I made it through them was to pray and count my blessings the entire time. Will I go back in three months? Not sure if I can.

We were fortunate to be able to have a three day layover in SLC, so I got to see April, Chay and Mckenzie. We stayed in a hotel close to the home they bought. They cannot live there yet, and are staying with Chay's sister. They are refinishing the old hardwood floors, and living out of boxes...so it was best to help where we could and visit when they had time. Gary helped Chay with staining the floors. Hopefully, by the end of this week they will be able to move in.

While I was gone, the Relief Society came in and deep cleaned my entire house. It looked so beautiful when I got home last night, I just cried!!! It was so wonderful of them to get to the high areas of my home that have been neglected for the past several years, and to have everything shine!!!

I start my second round of Chemo this Thursday here. I am a little worried about my heart, as in the past couple of days I have had edema really bad. I see my ONC here tomorrow, and I guess she will see how I am fairing and if I can do the rest of the Chemo regiment. I am not looking forward to it, that is for sure.

On the bright side...it was a beautiful day today...I went out to my garden and sat for awhile and just took in the sunshine. My children all came to see me tonight...it was nice to be with them all again. It is really good to be home. Really good!

Tears of Pure Joy

Last Thursday night I had another round of chemo, so on Friday I was pretty sick, tired, emotional...all that goes with it. I can hardly stand t0 go into the cafeteria here any more..just cannot stand the smell, but because I had basically been in my room all day, i went down to dinner with Gary. We were at the back of the dining room and had finished eating, when out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a young man way up at the front desk of the lobby that resembled Bryon. I immediately started to cry, and told Gary that I had seen someone who looked so much like Bryon that it made me so homesick. I just sat there and wept and wanted to leave that very minute and come home.

We stayed in the cafeteria for a few minutes longer, and then headed to the lobby. Just as we were about to round the corner to the elevator, my two, wonderful sons walked around the corner. The first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh my gosh....it WAS Bryon that I saw." I ran into their arms and cried and laughed and hugged and then did it all over again!!! The lobby was filled with people that witnessed the scene, and many of them were in tears also. MY BOYS!!!
MY BOYS!!! They had flown all the way here to spend the weekend with me and to surprise me and to give me the courage to keep going!!! What devotion! What love! What a sacrifice! In all my life I do not think I have had anything done for me that has touched me more or meant more to me than them coming!!! I liken it to greeting our loved ones beyond the veil.

We had a great weekend! We took the boys out for dinner and got them their room...poor Keith had a terrible headache that made him sick. Bryon brought us back to the clinic, and before he left I was hugging him and expressing my concern at how much this had cost him to come. He held me tenderly in his arms and said, "Mom....money is just temporal...families are forever. You mean more to us than any money does."

On Saturday, with their rental car, we were able to escape the hospital here and go to Oklahoma City. We saw the capitol building, the Federal Memorial Bombing sight, and we ate at one of the top ten best things to do in Oklahoma...the Cattleman's Steakhouse. It was the best steak I have ever eaten, and though I am not eating very well...I ate the entire thing. We drove back to Tulsa, took a nap, and then went out for a treat.

Sunday morning, my heart took a picture as Gary and I were sitting in the lobby waiting for the boys to come for breakfast. I watched them walk from their car to the lobby, in the brilliant sunlight, dressed in white shirts and ties, ready to go to church with me. Pure JOY!!! We went to church, and because the cafeteria was closed when we got out, we did take them to dinner. They came up to our room for awhile, and then it was time for them to fly out. Gary went down with them to see them off...but I sat on the bed and watched them out the window until they drove off, all the time thanking my Father in Heaven for all of the blessings He has bestowed upon me...my family being the greatest.

Yesterday in church the lesson was on the miracle of the loaves and the fishes, and how we go to the Lord with such a little bit of nothing and offer it to him, and he takes what little we have and blesses us and the masses around us. That is what the Lord has done for me. I, alone am so nothing, and yet with His presence in my life I have been able to raise an incredible loving family who have, in turn, reached out to bless so many, especially me. When we do our best to turn our lives over to God, He will make so much more of it then we could ever have hoped for. Thank you, God, for two sons, (and their supportive, wonderful wives) who thought enough of their mother to come this weekend. I will never forget this, or be able to talk about it without crying...crying tears of pure joy.

A New Day!!!

Hi to all those I love out there!!! This has been a better week. it started out a little rough as I was sick again, but we decided it was o couple of the meds I was on, and I am doing much better. I also was bummed because I thought I had to stay here another week, but I don't, so It means we can start heading home between the 18th and 20th!!! Hurray! IfI am up to it after this weeks treatments, we are flying into SLC and taking a two or three day layover to go see April and her home she just moved into.

My brother, Billy, got here Tuesday afternoon, and he is leaving tomorrow to go back to Tennessee. It has been so wonderful to see him and spend time with Sharlene and him. Today we are going to the Will Rogers Museum and out to lunch. I do another round of Chemo tonight and am starting my heavy-duty brain treatments this afternoon, so I might be out of commission here for a few more days...so he picked the perfect time to come, and he has been great medicine for my soul!!!

Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails!!! It is so special to me to know I am loved and being prayed for by so many. I cannot possibly answer all of you, but please know that I am eternally grateful to each of you!!!

This is truely a wonderful place, and I have met some beautiful people here. God, in His wisdom teaches me each day about how to love by the example of sooo many. I can't wait to be home to see my friends and family and to teach my laurel class!!! Oh, how I miss my girls!!
Love to you all!!!

Homesick

I just called Keith's house and talked to Ashlee. She was so sweet and said she missed me so much, that now I am just a bag of tears. Being away from home is so hard when you are this sick. I am so thankful Sherry is here, but even that is hard, as I feel I am putting her out. It is hard to be so dependent on people when you have always been so independent.

Also some days are filled with hope and others are , well just days of endurance, waiting for the next shoe to fall, I guess. I hope it is okay to get sad once in awhile...like when I haven't heard from a special friend for a few days, or when I get tired of seeing sooooo many afflicted with this disease, or just when the pain gets to me and I am tired. And this is a tired like none other. It goes to the very bone,

I finally felt well enough to have my second round of chemo yesterday and I've had two rounds of radiation this week. The Doc's have me on a nutrition pack that I carry around with me all day long, and I am sure it is helping me not be so sick.I also got to get out of this prison for awhile this morning and buy some new duds. I honestly do not know how to buy clothes for myself anymore, as I have lost so much weight, I am not sure what to wear. I can't help thinking I shouldn't spend very much...so it is hard.

Sorry, tonight is a downer night. I am tired, and I just want to give up the fight right now. I need to tuck myself into bed with a good prayer and things will look brighter tomorrow. Good night.

Sunday Morning

It is very early Sunday morning...found myself unable to sleep...but I can always snooze later. Yesterday was such a better day...starting with conference...which was so amazing and touched my heart so deeply. I also felt well enough to leave the clinic and go out to play Easter Bunny for my grandkids. And the blessings keep coming in. My friend, Sherry, who has been my right hand and left foot all week, holding my head and getting me every little thing I have needed, was in the hall way and had a conversation with a woman who was headed home, cancer free, for two years running after coming here with breast cancer that had spread to in lungs and bones.

While I was a t Wal-Mart yesterday, hobbling around in my walker (and then driving a scooter), a very kind woman stopped and asked me is I had had surgery. I explained my cancer briefly to her and she told me that she had had pancreatic cancer and had been cancer free for two years. These things give me hope. I know my Father in Heaven is with me continually. I am looking forward to more of conference today. Thanks, Stan, for the lap-top!!!

What I am so impressed with this place is that when I got sick from treatment, they did everythong possible to make me feel better and get to the root of it. I have been on an IV pump for three days now getting my body fluids and vitamins back into correct funtion. They have literally thought of everything here...it is an amazing place.

Nauseating

I never imagined a person could get this sick and still be alive. Radiation to the brain is horrible to say the least, and I have thrown up so hard and so long I have to keep checking to see if I still have my toenails or not. Ooops...gotta go..

Walk With Christ

Gary left today at 1:00 p.m. and I had an appointment with physical therapy at 3:00 p.m. to be fitted for a cane. After testing my strength, the therapist concluded that I would be best served by a walker. Before that even sunk in, he handed me one and had me walk down the hall with it. Part way down the hall we stopped where another woman with advanced cancer was sitting and he asked if we could use her walker which was the “Cadillac” of walkers with a seat and brakes. I tried her walker and it worked a lot better and was really nice. As I was returning it to her, suddenly I was overwhelmed with the realization that a walker might be a permanent fixture for the rest of my life, and I lost it. My emotions just welled up inside of me. I couldn’t even hear the conversations around me. All I wanted was my room where I could really let down and cry. I felt alone, abandoned, and forsaken by God . . . all of these emotions rushing up inside of me.
Back in my room, just as I had explained it all to a friend via email and had pushed the send button, the phone rang.

It was the concierge telling me that I had a guest in the lobby. He went on to explain that she said she had met me on Sunday at church and just wanted to stop by and see if I needed anything. I told him I would be right down to meet her; but inside I was a little upset that a stranger had interrupted my cry. I took my time wiping my eyes and blowing my nose and making my way downstairs. When I got to the lobby, the first thing I noticed was that she was holding a book titled “Walk with Christ”. And then she proceeded to stumble through the explanation of why she had come to see me. She told me that she was also a visitor to Tulsa, having come from Colorado to visit family; and had heard my testimony on the previous day and decided that I needed to read this book. The book is a 14 day, pre-Easter program to help the reader draw closer to Christ. Standing there listening to this complete stranger, knowing that she was out of her comfort zone yet offering help to me in any way she could, touched me so deeply, i started to cry again for another, sweeter reason. She went on to say that she had felt prompted to come to me, that she had never done this kind of thing but was wanting to follow the spirit. We wound up talking to each other as though we were life long friends; with so much in common. The entire experience reminded me that Heavenly Father is always so aware of us . . . even when we feel alone. And even though this cancer journey smothers me with difficulty at times, I know that my Savior is walking with me and that He does and will and is sending angels to hold me up.

Thank you for your support

First, I must thank my family for their support. It is so good to hear from them on this blog. I love you, Billy. I heard from Linda that you have had your own struggles this year. I will try to call you soon. Thank you so much for your words of love and support, they meant more to me than you can ever know. And thanks to all of you for your comments and emails.

Gary is leaving Tulsa today. He has done well to last here this long. We have much to get caught up on at home. My friend from Moses Lake, Sherry, is coming to spend the next 10 days or so with me. I will be receiving Chemo and radiation, and they tell me I will be pretty sick, so I have to have someone here with me at all times. I have cancer pretty much everywhere. It is in my brain in 3 spots, my lungs and many of my bones. I do not have it in any other organs. Today I am being fitted for a cane, as radiation will weaken my hip and femur area to the point it could be broken easily.

We found a ward here and have attended the past two Sundays. The people are so nice, and many of them have approached us asking about family and friends in the Spokane area. Yesterday, I was given a sweet blessing by the bishopric to help me with get through the radiation this week. We were also give names of priesthood we can call for anything we might need. The church is incredible, and just as true in Tulsa as anywhere in the world.

April moved this past weekend. Joette is with her, helping out. I talked to both the boys last night. I am blessed to have a very supportive and wonderful family. I also apologize for not getting every individal email answered. Please know I love hearing from you, and especially need your prayers at this time. As I feel better, I will write to all of you! God Bless.

Spring is a miracle!

Today I get my port and start the first round of chemo. Could I ask that everyone to please keep me in their prayers? Pray that the chemo will kill the cancer and that I will be able to tolerate it. Thank you so much. Thanks, April for reminding me that we do believe in miracles. I do feel a great amount of peace in my heart this morning. Thanks to all of you for your comments and emails in my behalf! I know such wonderful people and have such devoted friends and family...it is almost surreal to me.

Gary will stay through the weekend, or until I find out how long I will be here for radiation. He needs to get home as he has an appointment with a cardiologist. Some part of his stress test did not look good. Sherry might come and stay for a week or so with me....all depends on how long radiation will last. She has agreed to help if she can, which is so very sweet of her.

Yesterday we met with the naturopaths and got all the supplements I need to take to fight cancer. They were the neatest two guys...they had so much love and light about them. Everyone here seems to be like that. What a remarkable place this is...but sad that so many people are plagued with this disease.

I am going to have another granddaughter!!! Congrats, April! I am soooo excited. Her and Mckenzie will be best friends for sure! That was wonderful news yesterday. It is also warm and sunny here. Life is good! Gather those you love and hold them close. Tell them you love them. Serve them in some small way today. I love you all!

A New Day

It is very early in the morning. I wanted to get this posted for all of you who are waiting the news from yesterday.

Seems my cancer has spread just about everywhere. It is all thorugh my back, hips, left femur, lungs and...sorry to say I even have 3 spots in my brain. None of my other organs are affected as of yet, which is good.

I am set up to get my port for chemo tomorrow and have an appointment with the Rad Onc for Friday. He will determine if I can have radiation to the spots on my brain or not. It is scary, as I do not know how or if this will change my personality.

Gary will stay here until the first chemo session is over and I have started radiation, but then he would like to go home for a week or so before returning, as we have much that needs to be done there...besides the poor guy is bored out of his mind. I am hoping I can talk a friend into coming for a week or so, as I need a caregiver here in order to stay.

The pain management Doc gave me a patch to wear, and it was wonderful for about 12 hours, and then I started throwing up...never felt so sick in my life. I am hoping when I see them today they can find something that works as well as it did without the side affects.

I am strangely at peace with all of this...oh, I did cry some yesterday and probably will again...but I know so many of you are praying for me, and so many of you have sent your love and support, that one way or another I will get through this. I feel Heavenly Father's love through each of you and I am learning so much about the power of love and how it truly does heal the soul. Each of you are teaching me so much every day.. Honestly, it has blown me away. Thank you so much for your love and support. Keep those prayers coming....I can actually feel them sustaining me.

CTCA

I can hear someone playing a piano softly from a room just below me. This place is beginning to feel a little like home. Our room is very small, but new and it is clean. The food is very delicious, organic and it costs Gary and I together, $15.00 a day. Just down the hall from us is a laundry room, with free facilities, and next to our room is a pantry, stalked with drinks and snacks, all free. I am in a quiet room, as it is called, with a nice computer, printer and desk and a couple of chairs, again, all free to use. Each floor has a similar layout.

Yesterday we were chauffeured in a limo to the auto show. We also went to a flea market. We can go anywhere with in reason, and they will take us, no charge. Today we went to church. The drivers tell us that this is a wonderful place to work...very rewarding. The atmosphere is somewhat sad, though...so many dealing with this terrible disease. It enters in the back door of people's lives from all over the country, taking them by surprise. One lady told me today that she was ready to go home to Heavenly Father, but her husband could not part with her yet.

Church was wonderful. The Stake patriarch spoke on the power of blessings and how we need never doubt the messages received therein. It was for me for sure. I needed the boost of faith. The Relief Society president had me tell the sisters what I was doing here, and then she took my name and number down. She said she would do anything for me...just to let her know. It was so sweet and humbling. A couple of sisters said they would pray for me as I was leaving...sisters I don't even know.

Tomorrow I will finish up all my testing, and Tuesday I will know how bad and what, if anything, they can do for me here. I am waiting on the miracle. I have had so many already...I do not want to sound ungrateful. I am blown away at the love expressed in my behalf. Thanks for the emails everyone!!! And your prayers of support and faith. I will report again tomorrow.

For all of you!!!

It is Sunday morning in Tulsa. The past 4 days have flown by. First of all, I have to thank my Father in Heaven for the sisters of the 17th Ward and all of their love and participation in the Birthday dinner Program. I felt showered with charity and I feel so much love for the sisters in our family. When the Laurels wrote and sang me a song, I could not believe the love I felt from my girls!! Thank you. Your support and tender caring is truly sustaining me.

After arriving here shortly past noon on Thursday, I was immediately wisked away into appointments. I have already seen the onc, had a bunch of blood work done, had bone and pet scans taken and tomorrow I am sceduled for 3 different CT scans, an appointment with the naturpath and the pain management team. The facility is very nice and the food is good, cheap, and all organic.

I will have all the results back by Tuesday and will meet with my team of Docs that day. They will then tell me what they can and cannot do for me. At this point, I plan on staying for treatment if it is an option. Gary might stay a day or two longer...but he is getting pretty bored hanging around here. I am concerned at how well I will do, and how weak I will become with treatment, but I think they will take good care of me here.

I love you all. This is probably the easiest for me to do...just send out my blog address and write one letter every day or so. You can either email me or comment on my blog, which goes directly to my email. Thank you for your continued prayers. The Doc's asked what kind of a support system I had in place, and I got pretty emotional thinking about all of your love and prayers in my behalf. I will write more as soon as I know more.

Graditude

Today I am grateful that my oldest son called and said that his family fasted and prayed for me yesterday. I am also thankful that 2 friends dropped by to see me, and one of them brought me dinner...yummy!!! I also got a call from two of my closest friends and each just let me cry and talk. They both wanted to know about the blessing yesterday and what my plan of attack is now. I also got to visit with Joette when she came home from FHE, and that was wonderful. My chiropractor helped my back and hip feel a little better after he worked me over today. And I got a nice call from a friend of mine who has had cancer three times. He is always a voice of hope, and he said such nice things to me today that helped me to know my life has not been wasted.

Life is good, and Heavenly Father is giving me strength through others. I just wanted to thank Him for always being near. He knows who to send and what I need. Oh, I also had my life sketch class here today and started writing about my brother Billy. Such sweet memories I have of him. I miss him so much. He doesn't even know I have cancer. But enough of sorrow...tonight I am thankful to have been surrounded by love for one more day.

Meet Isaac. He is my grandson. I took this picture last summer. We were in our favorite swimming hole on the CDA river, and it was such a pretty day. I remember hearing a song once that said, "My heart took a picture that day." That is how i feel about this camping trip. I will never forget how we sat around the campfire and had a family home evening that night, and how Isaac sat and took it all in. I know he felt the spirit. I am so thankful for my family. You are such incredible supports when times are hard. I know that families are eternal, and we will have these and other sacred times forever.

Juicer

I need to redeem my son. He and his wife came tonight and they bought me a new juicer. It was so sweet of him!!! He also helped his dad with a project. I got a little sleep today, and I can't believe how much better things look when you are not soooooo tired.

Awakenings

I woke up in the middle of the night again. I keep trying hard not to take a sleeping pill, but this is what happens when I don’t. The pain is such that once I wake up I cannot go back to sleep.

Can I use this space and time to vent a little? I am loosing the battle with cancer. Everyone keeps saying, “You have to remain positive.” But I have tried everything and anything that has come along. I have done the diet, sat in the sauna, taken the tea and the supplements until I want to throw up, and still, deep down inside, I know I am loosing. My arm is starting to hurt again. I go somewhere and I am so tired I can barely make it home. My breathing is getting harder. I have two choices, as I see it. I can go on chemo, and perhaps get a little better for a short while, or I can continue to die slowly; and painfully. Cancer involves a lot of pain. Not just physically, but emotionally.

This is hard…so hard. I want to see my daughter married. I want to see April’s house and her new baby born. I want to finish an art project for Bryon and Gary. I want to finish my life history and my “Yellow Roses” book. I want to live. I want to love and serve more. But deep down I know I am running out of time. Every night I go to bed with the hopes of waking up feeling better, and every morning I feel just a little bit worse than the day before.

I don’t see the family very much, except Jo Jo, as she lives here. I am so thankful for her. Some nights we talk in her bedroom…like old times. It gives me so much to look forward to. I think it has been over a month since I have seen one of my sons. Maybe it is easier for him not to come around. I used to invite all of the kids for dinner every other week or so, but I am too tired to do that anymore. But April calls almost everyday. She got a new home, and I am so glad she has something to look forward to, especially if I don’t make it. I am so thankful that she calls just to talk to me. I think she will have the hardest time when I am gone.

I try to stay busy, even though I am so tired. I have a life history class here on Monday mornings and a painting class on Thursday afternoons. I have painted a few things, and I occasionally feel like cleaning the house, but that is getting harder all of the time. I am so thankful for Gary. He does all the shopping and keeps the laundry and dishes up. I am afraid that soon he will have to do all the cooking. Does someone want to come and clean my bathrooms? They are getting nasty, and the thought of doing a really thorough job just wears me to a frazzle.

Which brings me to my last struggle: My Patriarchal blessing and other blessings have hinted that I will throw this off. My home teacher told me I needed more faith. I have always had a lot of faith, and I do not get this. I don’t think very many people have my kind of faith. But the windows of heaven seem to be closed to me right now. I pour out my soul and nobody is listening. Perhaps because I do think this is unfair. I have served my God with all my heart. I have done everything He has asked me to do. I stuck it out and stayed the course when others would have dropped the torch. No, I know I am far from perfect, but God, I have tried really hard to give my entire life to you. Where are you now…now when I need you the most?

I am sorry, that is not fair. I do see Him all around me. A friend gave me a dozen roses just two days ago. A week ago, the sisters in my ward honored me and read a beautiful letter written to me by my daughter. The bishop gave me a sweet, sweet blessing. The list goes on and on, so please don’t think me ungrateful. I am so thankful for all the love, especially from friends. I’m just tired. I want God to heal me now or take me home. Maybe, just maybe I can go back to sleep now. Things will look brighter in the morning.

Love and Life

I have decided that dying is not all that bad. People have been so nice. I have had tons of friends who have come to see me and most of them come with something to share, in hopes of saving my life. I have heard from friends and family that I don't normally hear from, I have been showered with gifts, I have had parties thrown in my behalf, and yesterday I was honored at a luncheon wherein a beautiful letter to me from my daughter, April, was read. I think it was the finest tribute ever made to me in letter form. Another friend of mine, with a very critical heart disease who is going through a similar experience suggested we get together and have our own wake!! I think we will do that soon!!

In reality, it is all quite humbling and overwhelming. I am so thankful for those of you who have told me that they loved me before it is too late. You have taught me so very much about charity. How do I ever make it up to you? How can I ever show and tell you how much you have meant to my life and what a beautiful dimension you have all brought to me? You have made my life mean something; made it worth living; have brought laughter and joy and a reason to get out of bed each day. Thank you for being so very kind. I love you!!!!

Lost , and Then was Found

My daughter and granddaughter left yesterday. It is always hard for me to see them leave...especially since the return of cancer. Earlier this week I saw the CT scan of my lungs...(not a very pretty picture). So, needless to say, I was really bummed last night. I finally turned early this morning to the only real source of peace I know. Why does it take me so long to pour our my soul to Heavenly Father? In my defense I can only say I have felt somewhat forsaken as of late, and then worried I am troubling Him with trite requests, with nothing to offer Him in return. And yet, when I went to Him in prayer this morning, I quietly asked for three simple things, and one by one, just like clock work, they were answered for me today. On days like today, I am so surprised and humbled; being made so very aware that Heavenly Father knows everything about me and truly desires to bless me and take the unbearable and make it bearable; to take my burdens and make them light; to hold me in His arms and let me cry, and then wipe my tears of distress away. I believe after I spend some time in thanksgiving tonight, hope will look much brighter tomorrow.

Hope...

Some days it is just hard to keep it alive.

Where do I turn for peace?

I was asked to do something this past weekend that was so emotionally difficult for me, I didn't know how I could possibly survive, yet knew I had to do it just the same. I cried and stewed for 3 days over the assignment. I spent hours studying the subject and praying...but it just would not come together. When I was in the eleventh hour, I read this true story by Jeffrey R. Holland:

"Katie Lewis is my neighbor. Her father, Randy, is my bishop; her mother, Melanie, is a saint. And her older brother, Jimmie, is battling leukemia.

Sister Lewis recently recounted for me the unspeakable fear and grief that came to their family when Jimmie’s illness was diagnosed. She spoke of the tears and the waves of sorrow that any mother would experience with a prognosis as grim as Jimmie’s was. But like the faithful Latter-day Saints they are, the Lewises turned to God with urgency and with faith and with hope. They fasted and prayed, prayed and fasted. And they went again and again to the temple.

One day Sister Lewis came home from a temple session weary and worried, feeling the impact of so many days—and nights—of fear being held at bay only by monumental faith.

As she entered her home, four-year-old Katie ran up to her with love in her eyes and a crumpled sheaf of papers in her hand. Holding the papers out to her mother, she said enthusiastically, “Mommy, do you know what these are?”

Sister Lewis said frankly her first impulse was to deflect Katie’s zeal and say she didn’t feel like playing just then. But she thought of her children—all her children—and the possible regret of missed opportunities and little lives that pass too swiftly. So she smiled through her sorrow and said, “No, Katie. I don’t know what they are. Please tell me.”

“They are the scriptures,” Katie beamed back, “and do you know what they say?”

Sister Lewis stopped smiling, gazed deeply at this little child, knelt down to her level, and said, “Tell me, Katie. What do the scriptures say?”

“They say, ‘Trust Jesus.’ ” And then she was gone.

Sister Lewis said that as she stood back up, holding a fistful of her four-year-old’s scribbling, she felt near-tangible arms of peace encircle her weary soul and a divine stillness calm her troubled heart.

Katie Lewis, “angel and minister of grace,” I’m with you. In a world of some discouragement, sorrow, and overmuch sin, in times when fear and despair seem to prevail, when humanity is feverish with no worldly physicians in sight, I too say, “Trust Jesus.” Let him still the tempest and ride upon the storm. Believe that he can lift mankind from its bed of affliction, in time and in eternity."

The story was an 'angel and minister of grace' for me. I felt peace encirlcing my weary soul and I just let go and trusted. Everything turned out they way it needed to.