The power of the Atonement

Below are my two granddaughters. The pictures were taken the Sunday Julia Kaye was blessed and given a name. I came home today after being away eleven days. It was hard to leave these two precious girls.I cried and Mckenzie cried.

I did quite a bit of reflecting while I was staying with April. For one, I am so thankful that she is in a large family with lots of active members of the church that live close by. I was able to spend a little while with my niece and my sister, and I am thankful that they are close by for her. You start to think in terms of "how will my children do after I am gone", and you look for all the positive signs you can find close to them. It isn't important to me if they succeed financially, only that they have what they need. If they stay close to the Lord and His Church, they will have success in ways they can not even comprehend now.

I had a wonderful break, but I must admit, I am already struggling with just being home again and dealing with everyday life and everyday cancer. The Docs say I am doing just great, and I feel like, .........! I ask myself every day how am I ever going to do this. Today I read a beautiful quote on LDS Gems. It said,

"The Atonement of Jesus Christ and the healing it offers do much more than provide the opportunity for repentance from sins. The Atonement also
gives us the strength to endure 'pains and afflictions and temptations
of every kind,' because our Savior also took upon Him 'the pains
and the sicknesses of his people' (Alma 7:11). Brothers and sisters, if
your faith and prayers and the power of the priesthood do not heal you from
an affliction, the power of the Atonement will surely give you the strength
to bear the burden." Dallin H. Oaks

I know I need to pray harder and more sincere to be able to see my way through this, because it is hard....really hard. I feel so alone in the struggle sometimes. Today on the flight home I sat by a woman who was a member of the church...flying out to see her children in Seattle.We became instant friends and she has had her share of hard times...and it felt good to share with her my cancer story and how hard it is and how frightened I am of the coming pain. Not of death, I have had enough spiritual experiences in my life to know that God is real and that their is a heaven where there is no longer pain and suffering... but I shared with her the question of will I be able to endure the never ending pain? I shared with her that I will only make it if God will hold my hand. In sharing these thoughts with this stranger/sister, I felt her love and compassion pass over me with it's own kind of peace. I honestly felt she understood what I feel, and that has been hard to express to those closest to me. Tomorrow is another day...and I will do my best to lean on the Savior and the blessed people he has and will contineu to place in my path.