Celebrate Good Times...Come On!

Celebrate good times...come on!!!

Friday night , 3 of us were supposed to go out to dinner to celebrate my birthday, but somehow it turned into a dinner party at a dear friends home with so many of my sweet friends surrounding me and wishing me well. Thank you, Ling. Your goodness is immeasurable. Thank you, Lisa for providing your beautiful home..and I am not sure who did all the cooking, but seeing as how I hate to eat anything I cook, it was so wonderful to actually feel full!!! I don't know how to tell you all how much you mean to me, and how thankful I am that we are true sisters.

The next day I met up with Sherry and Sandy and had a wonderful day. One thing that makes them so wonderful is that I can cry around them, and share my fears and hopes and I don't feel judged. I can share with them my most intimate thoughts about living or dying and , even though they don't really understand, they give me their time and ear and love. We had a birthday lunch for me at Sandi's and it was wonderful...man, especially the Amish rolls. Sherry bought me some good smelling stuff to spray all over myself...I always feel like I stink.
(Maybe I do...hint, hint)

It was very hard coming home Saturday night on my birthday to an empty house. I felt sorry for myself for a short time, but realized Gary was out with his best friend cutting wood, and having his own break from cancer. I understand how difficult it must be for him and would love to find a way to escape all of this myself and go back to a time when cancer wasn't mentioned every day in our home.

Sunday I went to Keith's house for dinner. Calie had made a wonderful meal....with Keith as the BBQ king. Lorena and Ansley are home from Mexico and it was so wonderful to see them. She is walking everywhere. I will add a couple of pictures soon. I missed that Gary and my girls were not there...but we did have fun. The grandkids asked me questions about my life from a book we'd picked up at a garage sale...and ...well some of them were not easy to answer. We laughed and just enjoyed each other.

Joette got home from April's late last night, and April had made me a beautiful scrapbook of her two children that I will forever cherish. I know it was such a sacrifice for her to take that time, as Mckenzie is having a difficult time adjusting and Julia is colic.

I was humbling to be remembered by so many. Today I still have the blinds drawn and my PJ's on...trying to get up the courage to face life again. I have really felt sick for about 5 days again now. I share this because even though I have so much to live for...I am not so sure I can do it much longer...no, I am not sure I want to do this much longer. I need to spend an hour or two in prayer and find strength to celebrate life again. I saved this draft and it took me 2 hours to figure out how to get it published...I had to call my daughter in tears and ask her what in the heck I was doing wrong. I hate being this disabled...I really do not think straight any more, and am finding everything so difficult to do. I need your prayers today...mine are not working so well.