You Talk Too Much

Not sure what is wrong with me. I have cried so much this week. I keep telling myself it is the new bone medicine that was injected with my chemo last week. I know that my jaw is very sore (okay, you wise guys...it is not from talking too much!) In fact, that is part of the problem. I am not talking to hardly anyone. When I first got cancer back, people would call, but now, and I am sure of this, they just do not know what to say to me. I try really hard not to wine about my disease...and just be my normal self...whatever that is....but still, I don't see many people or talk to many anymore. It is like I am dead already. I used to get asked to do things or go places...but not now. I am partly to blame, but honestly, people treat those with fatal illnesses different. I know I have in the past. I will change that about myself if I ever get the chance. I will ask them about their families, their work...I'll take them out to lunch. I will just be their friend. I will make sure they are involved in church activities and I will help them feel like they are needed in some way. Maybe I am the one who needs to call others...but it is hard, especially when I might weep at any moment, or when I hear in trepidation in their voices when they find out it is me. Yesterday I finally asked my daughter if she would like to go to a movie. We had such a nice time. It was a tragic love story...a true chick flick, and I felt young and giddy at all the right places, and I didn't think about cancer once. Well...that's enough talking for today...I need to clean my bathroom.